Permission to grieve.
Permission to Grieve.
It feels nearly impossible to turn on the TV, look at my news feed, or social media and not feel overwhelmed by emotions. The world feels incredibly heavy. Grief is a normal, repeat after me, a normal reaction to a loss of any kind. It also extends to changes in our behavior due to external events like what is happening now in Israel and the Gaza strip. I am not getting into the politics of this, but what I do want to get into, is the normalization of the complicated feelings we as humans feel due to loss or change in our life.
What does grief feel like?
Some of the symptom's of grief include: poor appetite, anger, irritability, intense sadness, poor concentration, and restlessness. These are considered acute symptoms. A three day bereavement leave isn't going to be enough time to start to heal from a loss. So let's be real that our workplaces aren't set up to support those who are grieving. If you don't believe me, dive into this Harvard Business Review article: https://hbr.org/2017/06/making-your-workplace-safe-for-grief
What happens when grief lasts longer than a few months?
Complicated grief symptoms can last for several years. Symptoms can include feelings of meaningless, guilt about moving on, debilitating memories, and yearning.
What can we as human beings do to support each other?
Normalize grief. It is a common human emotion that we will all experience.
Grief is exhausting! Be gentle with yourself and others. Watch for negative self talk.
Realize that most humans are uncomfortable with grief. We say really stupid things, mostly because we are not well equipped to deal with all of the complicated emotions that come with grief.
What should you say? Keep it simple. I love you. I am here for you. I am happy to just sit with you. Can I bring you dinner on Tuesday night? Would you like to go for a walk on Sunday? Or say "I don't have the right words, but I want you to know I am here for you and plan to regularly check in."
Be the friend or colleague who checks in after 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. You get my drift. There is borage of help and support in the first few weeks that eventually wanes. Show up after that.
And finally, as a counselor who does loads of work in trauma and grief, this is me writing YOU a permission slip. Take all the time you need to heal and grieve.